I Dated A Married Dude And All I Got Was a Vibrating Necklace

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The night we hooked up.

So I dated a married dude. There, I said it. If I had a girlfriend that was having an affair with a married man, I’d have told her what a fool she was. Until it happened to me. I met Henry at a tech conference in Boston in 2007. I stared at the back of his neck for three days and thought, “That guy is so cute and so gay.” Henry was a Brit – why do all the European men wear their clothes so tight? I met up with him and his boss for cocktails and we all exchanged info. Turned out Henry was married with a little girl, and was the head of development for a video games company in London.

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Fan Girls In The New York Times

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So Ashley Eckstein, who plays the voice of Ahsoka Tano in Star Wars: The Clone Wars asked me to drum up some geek girls for her article and photo shoot at New York Comic Con last Thursday for the New York Times. Ashley is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and we were all thrilled! I grabbed my friends Jen, Laura, Stefanie, Shelley and Christa and we made the cut!!

Jailbird

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Huey del Fuego

These days, Dad’s wardrobe consists solely of double denim and flimsy white tennis shoes, but in 1984, after watching Jack Nicholson in Prizzi’s Honor, he sported pink and yellow blazers. Dad had a museum of cowboy boots – about 20 pairs ranging in color and animal hide, and he liked big gold rings and chains, and wore a gold bull around his neck.

But behind the curtain of Dad’s eccentricity, was a loving father, the evolution of a man who grew up in Hoboken projects, unattended by his mother, while his father spent his life in a sanitarium. He was one of nine children, but only kept in touch with one sister and a long-lost brother his mother had sold to neighbors.

Family meant everything to Dad. He enrolled my sister and me in an expensive Catholic school to ensure a good education, and went to church with Mom every Sunday, not because he was religious, but because it made Mom happy.

Dad ran a tight ship at home, and there were severe consequences for bad behavior. Once when I was sixteen, I snuck out of the house wearing a leopard-print tank top and leather miniskirt and hit a night club in Santa Monica, where I drank, danced and smoked cigarettes.

The next morning, Dad approached me, “Did you wear that outfit after your mother and I told you not to?” I loved him too much to lie. He walked away with disappointment in his eyes. It turned out his adult entertainment attorney had spotted me at the club. Two days later Dad sold my car and grounded me for six months.

In contrast to my flashy father was his business partner Mac whose steroidal frame stood 6’7″. Mac and Dad met while on the California Highway Patrol. Dad quit the force after a nasty motorcycle accident, and Mac was fired for accepting bribes. Later on, Mac brought Dad in as a partner to run his strip clubs in Los Angeles.

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Rockin’ Rebel Assault II For LucasArts!!

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So back in the day when I worked at LucasArts, they asked me to be the model for the game Rebel Assault II, because they didn’t want to pay the game actress for the shoot. I almost fainted. I went to Skywalker Ranch, which I had been to many times. But this time I was able to check out the archive building, where all the props, costumes, etc. were kept from George Lucas’ little film projects. My eyes popped open as I walked between rows and rows of costumes from Indiana Jones, Radioland Murders, Howard The Duck, Star Wars, Empire and Jedi. I touched the white dress that Karen Allen wore in Raiders, when she drank Belloq under the table and pulled a knife on him. Man was she tiny because I wouldn’t be able to get one ass cheek in that thing.

They suited me up in the same camouflage outfit that Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill wore on the moon of Endor in Return of the Jedi. I wasn’t sure if it was the exact one, so I just imagined it was. Actually now that I think about it Carrie is tiny too so her pants would have been board shorts on me. After I was suited up, they put me on the speeder bike and I had to pretend I was being chased by stormtroopers. This couldn’t get any better!

Here’s a photo from the shoot:

Here is the final box cover:

And here’s a little something my designer Jimmy did for fun:

Star Wars Graffiti in NYC

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Here’s my man Gusto, www.gusnyc.com, one of my very talented designers. Gus is a graffiti guru and I hired him to do a Star Wars graffiti piece for my new apartment. It’s 5 x 11 feet, HOLY LASERS, OBIWAN!

Here’s a little interview I had with Gus about his galactic experience:

LW: So Gus, have you ever done anything like this before?

GM: No I have not. Not this large size, I mostly do smaller scale mixed projects.

LW: What would you say your biggest takeaway will be? or several?

GM: Probably the experience of getting to play with the lighting effects in a galactic setting, and being able to mix both your ideas and mine to actually build the whole thing.

LW: So are you going to help me hang this bad boy?

GM: Sure, put it in my Clarity.


Why Carrie Fisher?

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me and carrie fisher

Ok, so yes I like Carrie Fisher and yes I saw Wishful Drinking “several” times while she was here in NYC, in addition to the “several” times at the Geffen in LA.   So what?  Lay off!  People ask me “Why Carrie???” Well amigos,  here’s why:

  • She’s fucking HILARIOUS
  • She’s smart as all hell
  • She’s an amazing writer
  • She’s brutally honest, mostly about herself
  • Lucky for me, she’s gracious with her fans
  • And yes, she was in that little film Star Wars that I also love

So the fifth time I got Carrie’s photo, my good friend Heather Jones told Carrie I’d seen the show five times.  Carrie gave me a huge hug (had to peel her off me) and said “You look familiar, is your name Anne?”  I was so stunned that she actually spoke to me and froze.  “Laurel, her name’s Laurel” Heather helped me out.  Carrie grabbed my Playbill and signed it for Laurel love Carrie Fisher xoxo So OK, I’m not gay, but I was sooo excited, I love that damn lady so much.